Edward Cullen: Rebellion Years 1925-1931
by angel.watson
Summary: This story will cover the years that Edward chooses to leave Carlisle and Esme and kill people based on their thoughts. He begins the journey with killing the vilest man he thought had ever lived...Complete
1. Times are Changing

I sat back against the rock, closing my eyes against the sun. Esme and Carlisle had spent three months here alone and had recently invited me to join them. I was still amazed at Carlisle's ability to shower his bride with love. He didn't always have to tell her that he loved her, you could see it in his actions. I could also see it in his mind, although he tried to cover it up when I was around. His mind was completely focused on Esme and there were times that I would catch glimpses of his favorite parts, causing myself intense embarrassment. Yet, I was so glad that my father finally had a mate, someone to share his physical desires with. I heard a branch crack somewhere across the island and smiled. Esme was clearing an area of the island to turn into a home. She wanted to build it from scratch, with her family. Carlisle had been hesitant to ask me to come, afraid that their romance would be too much for me. Yet Esme insisted, wanting to include me. I opened my eyes, glancing down before looking back into the blue sky. This was the first time that I had been able to lay in the sun in a while. It was freeing, being able to simply enjoy being me.

 _Edward, come join us. Your mother is brimming with ideas but I can't get a straight word out of her. Your help would be greatly appreciated._

I laughed at the confusion that ran through my father's mind as he watched Esme flit from one spot to another, babbling under her breath. I sat up, making sure that there wasn't any tree's stuck to me before returning to my parents. As soon as I entered the clearing, I saw what Carlisle had meant. Esme kept changing her mind, tearing down what little she had built before moving to another spot. Carlisle stood on one side, his hands hanging down at his sides as he simply watched. I joined him to watch as I was sure that Esme didn't need our help right now.

Carlisle smiled at me and grabbed my shoulder before turning around to the makeshift table he had built. I turned, glancing down at the plans, amazed at how brilliant my mother was. She had completely planned out her dream home with massive windows and a huge fire place. I quickly dug through the plans, finding her drawing for the fire place. I grinned, knowing what we could do to help.

"Carlisle, I think we would be better off not helping Esme do the layout plans. She wants to build a fire place from stones around the island. Why don't we collect them for her?" I watched as relief flew through his mind and smiled.

 _Thank you, son._

We flew off in different directions, collecting only the most beautiful stones from around the island. By nightfall we had collected three large mounds, more than enough for the fire place Esme had planned. She had finally slowed down and we began to build it, working at human speed and making each other laugh until we could barely speak. Their minds were so full of joy. Esme was taking in every moment, searing it into her memory. I noticed that her human memories were no longer at the forefront, rather it was Carlisle and I that filled her thoughts. Carlisle was watching Esme and I interacting, pleased that I had accepted her and that I cared for her. Yet I began to notice a worry in the back of his mind, one that he seemed to be brushing off, afraid that it would come true.

…

Several weeks had passed when I made the decision to venture into town. While I loved spending time with my family, I knew that they needed some time alone. I took the boat and a list, promising to return in a few days. The sky was clear, allowing the stars to shine brightly. While I had been human, I had loved looking at the stars, amazed by the possibilities of what could be out there. That had not changed when I had died. The stars had been my saviour when I thought that all else was going to fail. Looking up, they still drew my attention as if they were calling for me to come to them.

Upon landing, I tied the boat and quickly walked to the nearest supply store. Upon entering I was immediately the center of attention. The women began to picture what they wished I would do to them and I knew that if I could blush, my cheeks would be bright red. I swallowed, clearing my mind as best I could before walking up to the counter. I handed the man Esme's list and requested that he deliver the items to my boat by tomorrow night. He nodded, accepting my payment and I left, needing to be away from the repugnant minds within those four walls. I began walking towards the middle of town, the sound of music and dancing drawing me near. The minds of those around me were filled with joy and I listened, enjoying the reprieve from the devious minds that I normally heard. Just as I was about to go around a corner, one mind was suddenly louder than the others. I froze, curious as to why it had caught my attention.

 _No please! Stop! That hurts! Stop! I can't scream, how do I get help!_

I froze, horrified by the pain that this mind was sending. I slunk into the shadows, focusing on the area that I through it was coming from. There were two other minds and I felt my stomach turn as their thoughts entered my mind.

 _Shut up whore!_

 _Come on, hurry up Mack! I want a go!_

Looking through their eyes I saw a young girl no older than twelve lying on the ground. Her shirt was ripped open and there was blood pouring from her broken nose. Her skirt was bunched around her waist, one of her legs broken from the force that had been used by the two men. I felt rage begin to pour through me, a rage that I had only felt when Esme used to remember what he used to do with her.

Without thinking I flew into the alley, grabbing the man that was at her head, his hand closed around her throat. He let go, grunting as I rammed my hand through his chest, ripping his heart out. The other man went to shout but my hand closed around his fragile neck, squeezing until I felt his bones turn to dust. I dropped his body and want to the girl, cradling her in my arms, careful to not move her broken bones and cause her more pain.

 _Angel, I'm dying. Finally. Please take me away._

"Shhh, rest." I ran my fingers through her hair, making sure to avoid the knots as I listened to her heart stutter. Her breathing became more and more wet sounding. The fear that had filled her mind was beginning to fade, replaced by a sense of peace that only occurred when death was welcomed. She tried to smile at me, reaching up to touch my cheek before her last breath rattled from her. I clenched my teeth, so angered that someone had done something so awful to a child. A child! I gently closed her eyes, laying her body upon the cold ground. I made sure to pull her skirt down and closed her shirt as best as I could. There was no way that I could just leave her there with no one knowing.

My mind was red, something that I had not experienced since my newborn days and the bloodlust that came with them. I left the two men where they were, unwilling to give them any dignity. I returned to the boat, making sure to wash my hands in the water before grabbing a piece of paper and pen. I quickly wrote down what I had seen, sliding it to a bartender with some money. I made sure that he didn't see my face. The redness wasn't fading and I felt hunger beginning to gnaw at me. I turned to the forest, avoiding people to be able to run at my full speed, needing to lose myself in the feeding frenzy. Within moments I smelled a deer and flew at it, gripping its body in my arms and digging my teeth into its neck.

As I dropped the corpse to the ground I felt remorse finally beginning to flood through me. My legs gave out as sobs tore through me. The girls face was all that I could see as I gripped the earth over and over. I screamed, releasing the anguish and torture that had filled my mind. As I let each scream go, the horror and disgust at what I had done took over. Carlisle had always taught me to respect human life, yet I had so easily killed two people. Had I done the right thing? I honestly didn't know. Yet there was no way that I could tell Carlisle. I could see the disappointment in his face now and I knew that I could not face that. I allowed myself to fully lay down, curling into a ball as remorse flooded me, stronger than any emotion that I had ever felt before.

…

When I returned to the island, Esme and Carlisle did not suspect a thing. I tried to keep my happiest face on and hid the emotions that were still so strong. Carlisle made sure to take time with me, wanting me to know that he still loved me even though he had a mate. I reassured him that I understood and was willing to step away whenever they needed time to themselves. Within two weeks, we had the first part of the house done. Esme loved every part of it and strongly thanked both of us for everything that we had done.

Esme did not want to return to the real world, where she would need to fight against her thirst every waking hour. Yet Carlisle knew that we could not stay on the Island forever. With a promise to return to her island as soon as they could, we left. I sat in the back of the boat, watching the Island fade into the distance. I was still filled with regret and horror, unable to shake how deeply these emotions had grown within me. How was I supposed to return to normal when that girls face haunted me? Carlisle's thoughts were beginning to worry me, as he was beginning to suspect that I was drawing away from him and Esme. His worst fear was that I would leave them to forge my own life and throw away everything that he had taught me.

That was my biggest fear. Carlisle finding out what I had done. Many people would tell me that I had done the right thing. That I had rid the world of two evil men that deserved nothing more than the fate that they had received. I knew that I would be flagged a hero for my actions yet I could see in Carlisle's mind that he hated it when ever a life had been taken. No matter the actions of the person, including Charles, he refused to see them be killed. I knew that he would be frustrated and angered that I had dared to take a life. That I had dared to be the judge of someone based on their actions. I had no right, the fact that I was a vampire made it so that I should be able to think clearly and understand that life is sacred. I swallowed, wanting to get away from Carlisle but knowing that if I left, I would destroy my father.


	2. Avenging Angel

1927

The year had dawned bright with new technology being born everyday. My mother had surpassed the tests that had been thrown her way and she had taken up baking in the recent months. While the smell repulsed both Carlisle and I, the joy that shone from her face at being able to do something so human, made it worth the stench. Once she had perfected the task, she had begun to volunteer at the hospital bringing the goodies to both the ill and their families. Her mind was no longer a dark and sorrow filled place. Instead it was filled with ideas, so many new ideas that she didn't think were possible. Esme was such a creative and giving being that I knew she would blossom with Carlisle there to encourage her.

As I watched my parents planting a new garden; a vegetable garden that Esme had thought of as people of our town began to struggle to make ends meet. She wanted to donate all the food in order to help those who could barely keep food on the table. Carlisle had been telling her about the ill children that kept coming in, suffering from lack of good food. Of course her heart had been tugged, causing her to begin planning a way to make their lives better. Her heart. Carlisle, the one being in the entire world that was the most compassionate had found his soul mate. A woman with so much compassion that it poured from her and into those around.

My heart burned, aching with the rage that I had been feeding for three years. Every since that little girl, Emily as I had later found out, had died in my arms. The rage that I had felt at Carlisle for forcing me into this life and at those men for wanting to harm a child. Carlisle. I loved him like a father and admired the choices that he had made. Yet, I found that I no longer agreed with him. Some people deserved to die. The people who minds were vile and repugnant did not deserve to walk this earth. I had been given the gift of mind reading and I had to use it to benefit those around me. I would always be thankful for Carlisle rescuing me and saving my life but it was time I went my own way.

I set the letter on the piano knowing that Esme would find it when they came inside. I was supposed to be going to town anyways, so that would give me time to get away before they realized what I was planning. I knew that this choice would hurt both of them yet I couldn't stay. My thoughts and the voice that guided me no longer matched what I had been taught. My diet, my lifestyle was a lie. I was immortal, always to be trapped in the body of a seventeen-year-old but that did not mean that I had to be trapped in a life that I did not agree with. I took one final look around the living room before leaving the only family I had behind.

…

I made my way to the town that I had seen so many times in Esme's memories when she first came into our lives. If there was one man that deserved to die by my hands, it was Charles. For everything that he had done to such an amazing woman, he deserved to suffer. The moment that Esme had finally told Carlisle what Charles had done to her would forever be seared into my mind. The hatred and anger that I had felt from Carlisle was like nothing that I had ever felt before. Carlisle's mind had always been calming and steady when everyone else's was filled with chaos. That moment was life changing for me. I saw what righteous anger was. An anger that he could not even describe himself. Carlisle may not have realized that Esme was his mate but as he began to love her and cherish her, he hated that someone had tried to extinguish such a bright flame. I knew that I could make a difference, that I could destroy him and make sure that he never hurt anyone ever again.

It took me several days to get there, taking my time during the night. During the day, I would find barns or empty homes to hide in, making sure that no one saw me. By the time, I made it to the small quiet town, I had been away from my family for five days. While I missed them, my mission was first and foremost on my mind. I knew that if I was to succeed, I needed to let my past go, to put my parents in the past. I knew that this was not what they wanted but it was what I wanted. I took a deep breath and let it go.

I glanced around as I exited the woods and immediately realized that I was at the Church that Esme had attended every week while she was married to Charles. From here, if I took a left I would pass the store and the butchers shop before the road that led to their home. I figured that the home Charles had bought for Esme was the best place to start. If he wasn't there, his scent would be and that would allow me to distinguish him from all the other humans in this town. I returned to the tree line, keeping myself in the shadows as it was a full moon and I was not willing to kill someone if they saw me. A passerby had done me no wrong so it was my responsibility to keep myself hidden.

It didn't take me very long to find the small farm house. As I moved closer, I realized why Esme loved windows and open concept. From my position, I could see several small windows and the home seemed to be very closed in. This was the place that she had spent so long trapped in. Now everything made sense. I watched as someone was working in the kitchen, moved in front of the window. Her blond hair was pulled into a tight bun at the back of her head, exposing the healing and new bruises that lined her face. I swallowed hard as I forced myself to look at her. Her nose had been broken recently, giving her two very black eyes. Her blue eyes stood out against the swelling but they held no life. Taking a deep breath, I listened hard, wanting to see just how broken this child was.

 _It's my fault. How stupid can I be? I burnt his dinner. I burnt his dinner. Momma taught me to be a good wife but I'm failing._

I watched as she reached up and whipped away a tear, as sobs erupted from her small frame. I knew that Charles must have married her almost as soon as he got his hands-on Esme's death certificate. From the back of her mind I was able to see that she was pregnant, constantly thinking of the fluttering that she felt from her growing child. It seemed that Charles kept his beatings away from the baby but that didn't excuse his behavior. Suddenly a sharp cry broke through the night and I watched as she dried her hands and left the room. Within moments, a light turned on at the top of the stairs and I saw her enter another room. A smile grew across her face as she reached for something, bringing a small, male, child into view. Charles had not wasted a second.

After waiting for about an hour I knew that Charles wasn't home. It seemed that he had beaten Sarah shortly after dinner and then left in a rage. From Sarah's broken thoughts I picked up his favorite bar and which direction he would return from. I knew that I couldn't wait for him outside of the bar as I knew that I was going to lose all of my control once I began to feed. That left me with one option. I had to somehow get him to stop on the way home and kill him in an area where no one was going to see me. Taking a deep breath, I quickly headed towards the road, making my way alongside it to make sure that I did not miss this opportunity. It didn't take very long for Charles to appear, driving the car in a very zigzag motion. I stepped into the road, pretending to stumble and fell to my knees. Charles didn't have the reflex to slam that brakes and smashed into me. I allowed the momentum to throw me and lay in the road, pretending to be dead.

 _Shit! There's no way I can talk myself out of killing a man._ I heard a door creak open and footsteps as Charles worked his way to the front of his truck. _Oh god, I'll never get this dent out. What the hell is that guy made out of!_ I listened closely and watched through his eyes as he stumbled over to me. He knelt, or rather fell to one knee and reached out to me. Just before he touch me, I reached up and grabbed his hand, snarling as I lunged. Just before I got to his neck, I pulled his head back by his hair and placed my mouth right next to his ear.

"This is for Esme."

…

The next day dawned bright and instead of hiding like I normally did, I made my way up a mountain, enjoying nature around me. Every time I closed my eyes, I could taste his blood. It was unlike anything that I had ever tasted before. It was rich and filling. For the first time since I had been changed, I was full. I had no desire to chase after those disgusting animals anymore. The memory of their blood paled in comparison to his blood. I tried to remember back to when I was human for something to compare it to but there was nothing. All I knew was that I had to have it again. I suddenly snarled, smashing my fist through a tree as a rage that I didn't know I had erupted from within me. Carlisle's face filled my mind and I found that I was getting more and more angry. How dare he withhold this food from me. How dare he force me to eat dirt compared to our real food. I would never forgive Carlisle for this. Never!

As suddenly as the anger came, it was gone. I stood there for a moment, surprised by this random emotion. I shrugged my shoulders and continued my journey, heading for the closest city knowing that I would easily find my next kill.

I made it to city with ease, many people simply ignored me, simply assuming that I was there to sign up for the army. With a first world war behind us, the world was once again preparing for another war. Recruiting the young that had not fought and trying to replenish the ranks. I knew that many of our kind fought in the human war as it always made it easier for them to hide their kills. My desire was not to simply kill recklessly. No, death was not something that I relished, that I desired to inflict upon those weaker than me. Rather I wanted to be an avenging angel, the angel that Emily had seen before her death. An angel that destroyed those who thought that they were better than everyone else and could get away with inflicting horrendous pain on those around them. I figured my best bet was to get into the police force somehow. Whether it be through signing up and faking my credentials or simply being a night janitor. The files and records that they would have could lead me to the men that I desired to wipe off the face of the earth.

I made my way through the evening crowds, taking my time and listening to everyone around me. There were so many women that were simply rejoicing at an evening out after working all day. It did not seem to matter that their job was raising children. They took it just as seriously as if they were heart surgeons and had to save someone's life everyday. Tonight, they had left their children with family and gotten together with women from their church's and were either going to the pictures or to literary readings at the library. There was a sense of peace in their minds as they went about something so simple. I couldn't help but smile whenever I passed a young couple, dressed to dance until the sun peaked above the horizon. The city was definitely just as busy once the sun went down. I continued to stroll along, nodding at the women of the night who called out to me but always turning them down. It seemed that every street I turned onto there were small groups of women trying to get business from the men that were walking around alone. It didn't seem to matter if the men had a ring on their finger or not. If they were alone, these women would approach. I knew that these women had been told from the time they were young that they did not deserve anything better. Many of them were young, likely around Esme's age. They would have been beautiful if life had been kind to them. I knew that these were the women who had suffered the most, these were the women who were going to lead me to those that I wished to remove from this word.

I slipped into the shadows of an alley, just around the corner from five ladies of the night. I had nothing but time and knew that sooner or later they would lead me to someone who I could kill. I leaned against the wall closing my eyes so I could better focus on all the minds that went past me. It seemed that it wasn't late enough for the evil minds to be out and I was beginning to lose my temper! I growled as I felt my throat begin to burn. I took a hesitant sniff and was rewarded with the scent of blood. My throat rumbled as I stalked after the smell, needing to find its source. I quickly walked across the main road trying to keep my face in a neutral position. Within moments I felt my venom begin to flow, telling me that I was getting closer. It hurt to swallow but I had no where else to send it. I turned around another corner and stopped dead in my tracks. In the darkness of yet another alley way I could see a man standing over a young woman, a knife dripping blood held loosely in his hand. Without hesitating I flew at him, sinking my teeth into his neck and drinking as deeply as I could.


	3. First Time Brother

1928

As I sat in the theatre, pretending to enjoy the romantic comedy that I had already seen eight times. Instead of watching the film I kept glancing around the room, watching two men in particular. One of them was picturing sex with the blond that he had entered the theatre with. She appeared to be his date and he hoped to score once the movie was over. After all he had paid for dinner and now a movie, he had better get something out of it. While I found that his thoughts were not too concerning, I was getting a sense that he would take it if she didn't give it willingly. The other man had come in alone. He sat at the back of the theatre and was wearing a coat with a large collar. I had been listening to his thoughts on and off since the movie had started and he was causing me the most concern.

I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat, finding that I was getting incredibly thirsty. Considering that I had eaten just before dawn of today, I knew that being around humans was going to get harder and harder the longer I chose to follow this lifestyle. A twinge of guilt shot through my mind before I heard it.

 _She's getting up. Now is my chance._

I listened closely as I heard his coat rustle and the door swing open and then close before a young woman began making her way up the stairs. I stood and opened the door for her, nodding as she exited. She smiled at me and turned down the hallway to the side exit. I followed her making sure that the theatre door closed without a sound. Within moments, I was holding the man's corpse. I quickly dropped him over the railing, making sure that he landed on his head, breaking his neck and hopefully obscuring my bite marks. The woman had never heard a sound and I quickly made my exit.

As I was about the leave the building, I caught my appearance in the mirror. I froze, my vibrant red eyes catching my attention. I rarely looked at myself anymore, unwilling to see what my lifestyle choice was doing. The red in my eyes matched the red of the blood that I took from these humans. I growled, snapping myself back into the here and now. Exiting through the side door I found the woman dead, four feet from the door. I hurried to her side and discovered a bullet hole through her forehead and her purse missing. A mugging. I had saved her from a rapist to only loose her to a mugging. I slammed my fist into the cement, causing pieces to flu around me. Standing, I quickly scanned the area pleased that no one was around. I quickly left, not wanting someone to see and assume that I had killed her.

Stalking through the streets I found myself at a loose. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my evening. It was not as if I could make friends. If they were to cut themselves or I got too hungry, well then. There was honestly no point. Though I now understood why Carlisle had been so lonely, after almost three hundred years alone he must have been going crazy without any companionship. When I came back to, I was standing with a phone in my hand, the line already ringing. I froze, unsure what I had done.

"Hello? Hello? Edward is that you?" Esme's voice rang over the phone and I heard it break as she asked if it was me. I quickly hung up, knowing that I had to leave. I returned to the building that I had been staying in and crammed my few belongings into a bag. I was so foolish! I had allowed my mind to wander in the after feeding haze and had called Esme. I was done with them. They were in the past, no longer my concern. Yet her voice. She sounded so broken, so unsure of herself. I snarled slamming my fist into the concrete block, surprised as I felt the skin over my knuckles crack from the force. I removed my hand and watched as the skin slowly healed back together.

I grabbed my bag and took one last look around the room. Perhaps I would head further south, somewhere where the night life was more involved. Perhaps I might even find another vampire for company.

I decided to avoid the regions to the south. Carlisle had told me of the rumors about the southern wars and I figured that there had to be some substance to these tales. I headed west towards Nevada not really caring where I went. I knew that food was easy for me to access regardless of the area that I chose. I had little to no experience with Nomads but knew I would hear them before they would smell me.

One evening I entered a small town on the edge of Nevada. It was called Baker and appeared to be a rather low key town. While I did enjoy a more hectic night life, the calm came as a blessed relief. I had not eaten in three or was it four, days and could feel my thirst returning, stronger than before. I knew that I had to feed and soon, or risk losing control and kill an innocent. I took a deep breath and froze. The wind was subtle this evening but the slight breeze that wove its way around the buildings carried two strong distinctive scents. Vampires. I took another breath, spreading my ability out as far as I could make it go. Definitely a male and a female. How did I know? A vampire's scent was stronger and slightly sour to my nose which was a warning that they were not my next meal. I couldn't reach their minds so I backed to the edge of the town and began to circle, following the newest scent that I could find. I made sure to take my time, I did not need to surprise them and cause a fight. With my mind reading I knew that I would be able to handle my own against one vampire. But a mated pair was definitely going to be a problem.

With every step that I took the scent grew closer and closer. I stopped behind a building that seemed to be abandoned and stretched my ability once again.

 _Fresh!_

There! It seemed to be the females mind and it felt broken. I held my breath, needing to hear more.

 _Daniel. Kill! Fresh!_

The more I listened to her mind the more I saw. She seemed to be unable to focus on something that was outside of her view. Her mind was unlike anything that I had ever seen before. She was very childlike, clinging to the male without ever showing me his face. Her hair was stringy, I could see brown strands hanging in front of her eyes as she sniffed the ground. Wait. She had a piece of my shirt in her hand and seemed to be hunting me. Shit. I reached behind me and felt the spot that the cloth had torn from. I had been so intent on following their trail that I had failed to pay attention to the clues that I was leaving behind. Shit!

I moved towards the tree's, needing to draw them away from the town. There was no way that I could talk them both down if there was a risk of us being seen by the town's folk. I stopped just inside the tree line and listened, needing to know exactly what I was up against.

 _A male! I must protect Rina, she is too fragile. He might want to take her from me. Is he a threat? Must protect Rina!_

Within moments I heard footsteps as the two vampires came into view. The man was tall and well built, his muscles bulging from under the torn shirt that he wore. I could see that he was taller than me and he towered over his companion. The small female was tiny in every sense of the word. I could see that while she was fully mature in body, her face reflected a childlike demeanor. I could not imagine what had been done to her in life for her to be this way in un-death. I stepped from the cover and raised my hands in submission. The male reached an arm out and shoved the small female behind him.

"Who are you?" _How dare you trespass on our land!_

"My name is Edward. I did not know that there were any vampires in the area and was simply stopping for a meal. I mean no harm and will go my own way if you allow me." I kept my hands raised as I watched the female peak around the man.

"I am Daniel" he narrowed his eyes as he looked me over "And this is Rina my mate." She stepped out and tilted her head as she looked me over.

 _Smells funny. Hungry. HUNGRY!_ She whimpered as she reached up and tugged on Daniel's arm. He shushed her before turning back to me.

"It is nice to meet you. Do you keep residence in the area?" I held out my hand and he took it, his large hand dwarfing mine.

"Yes. We mainly keep to Nevada as others are not always so kind to Rina." He continued to eye me, still unsure of me.

"If it's not too much, may I ask what happened?" I looked into his mind seeing the moment he had found her.

 _It was years ago. He had been in the capitol looking for a meal when he heard whimpering from the back of the local Brothel. He had entered to find a man on top of a woman who seemed too frail to fight him off. He watched as she turned her head and did not even see that he was there. In anger, he had killed the man, taking the frail human away from that awful place. He knew that vampire venom could heal almost anything. Almost being the key. Once he had her away from the stench of the town, he could smell her disease. While little was known about it, he knew that it killed people by destroying who they were. He only hoped that he could save this angel…_

"Nothing. Now take your meal and leave!" He snarled and lunged, trying to scare me away. Instead of jumping back I stood my ground. He pulled back surprised that I had not moved. "You are different than others that have come through here."

I nodded before taking a small breath.

"I was raised by a very considerate vampire. I do not enjoy violence and have no wish to create danger or enemies." _Perhaps we can trust this young man. It would be nice to have someone else watching over my girl._

"Rina is getting hungry. Hunt with us?" I nodded, excited to spent time with my kind for the first time in months. "What brought you so far west?" Daniel seemed interested in my journey as we all walked to town.

"Just traveling. I got tired of the small town that I was born in and felt it was a good time to travel." Rina walked up to me and handed me a wilted flower, a smile crossing her face. I accept and tucked it into a button hole, which seemed to please her greatly. Daniel smiled as he took her hand and guided her into his side.

We entered the town and Rina picked her person. She seemed to know those that were not pure as I listened to his mind and discovered just how cruel he was. He knew that he had a disease, one that could be spread to others and did not take any precautions to prevent the spread. Within moments she had him in her arms, draining him of life. Daniel kept watch, almost like a guardian angel, as his mate dug a hole and buried her kill. I found that I could not drink, mesmerized by the vampire in front of me. Daniel saw me watching and sighed.

"I found Rina in a brothel some fifty year ago. She had, what we now call syphilis, when I found her. Her mind was destroyed and I had hoped that my venom would fix that. While it did restore most of her, the parts of her mind that had rotted away never came back. Many vampires do not understand why I would keep such a broken mate but I cannot imagine the world without her. She brightens even the darkest day with her joy and love. Life seems almost simpler with her around. I was afraid that you had come to kill her like so many others that have come before. I am sorry to have judged you so harshly young Edward."

"It is okay. She reminds me of my mother in some ways. She is lucky to have you." I smiled as I gently apologized and moved away, needing to feed before the sun came up. I slowly stalked the back roads, making sure to keep their strongest scent at my back in order to avoid hurting this strange mated pair. It didn't take me very long to find someone that I felt comfortable killing. I made sure to keep my kill neat, dragging the body outside of town and burying it exactly like Rina had. Once done, I returned to where I had left them. They were waiting for me, Rina even had a sparkle in her eye once she spotted me. I listened into her mind, wishing that I could give Daniel a sense of peace.

 _Friend. Sun. Home._

I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was only half an hour until sun up. I was surprised that Rina had such intuition and was so brilliant even though there was so little of her left. She grabbed Daniels hand and began to walk to the south of the town. Once we were through, I followed them, forcing myself to stay at a slower pace in order to not outrun them. It took us a little less than ten minutes to get to a cave. Rina moved from Daniels side and took my hand, looking into my eyes.

"Home." She smiled as she walked forward, guiding me through the "walls" that they had up. While my eyes could easily see, which were fake and which were real, to a human I knew that this would simply look like a sealed off wall. Once we were inside, she dropped my hand and struck a match, lighting a single lantern before bounding across the large room to a bed. I expected her to shatter it upon landing but she gently set herself upon it, pulling a well-loved bunny stuffy into her arms. She tilted her head once again, before patting the bed next to her. I heard Daniel chuckle behind me as she continued to pat the bed.

"She want's you to read to her. I guess another voice is a change to her. I'll get her favorite book, feel free to pull up a chair if you don't want to get on the bed." He headed to the far wall and I quickly carried a chair next to the bed. I watch as Rina settles herself under the covers, cradling her bunny like a baby. She reached out and grabbed my arm, dragging me closer to her.

"Baby. Sally." She kissed the bunnies head before letting me go and snuggling further into the pile of blankets. Daniel returned, handing me a worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_. He nodded to me before climbing onto the bed behind Rina. I opened and began to read, surprised by how happy the book made Rina.

…

After several months, had passed, Daniel invited me to become the third member of their coven. At first, I felt honored that someone wanted me to be a part of their lives. It was an honor that Daniel trusted me enough to leave me with Rina when he had to defend his territory. I knew, from his mind, that he thought of me as a brother because I had chosen to not judge or jump to conclusions from the first moment I had met them. Rina called me brother now, wanting to spend time with me and wanting to share everything that made her happy. I was honestly amazed by how much I missed in life. Rina showed me how beautiful butterflies were and how amazing a mother deer was. It seemed to me that I had forgotten just how much to living there was.

Yet, the longer I spent with them the more human I began to feel. While I continued to hunt humans, I found myself wanting to less and less. As guilt was beginning to form in my mind, I made the decision to leave. I knew that this was the second biggest mistake of my life, the first was one that I refused to think about. I made my way to town one evening, collecting a few more books that I felt Rina would love. When they left for the evening, I wrote them a note, pouring my heart out to the only other family I had known.

 _Dear Brother and Sister,_

 _I know that during our time together we have grown close. Closer than many vampires ever would, simply through the joy that Rina brings into this world. I think you both knew that this time would come, that I would leave. I want to thank you both for the kindness that you have shown me. Rina, you are an amazing individual who taught me to enjoy and look for the beauty around me. Daniel, I want to thank you for teaching me to trust myself once again. I hope that there are no hard feelings and that our paths cross again._

 _Much love, Your brother,_

 _Edward Masen._


	4. Missing Child

Carlisle's POV 1927

I leaned back and smiled as I watched my wife continuing to dig in the dirt, ignoring the tools that we had spent several hours picking out together. I guess she realized that her fingers were the best tools of all. I reached over and gently touched her arm, smiling as she turned to look at me.

"My shift is soon, I'm going to go clean up." She leaned over and kissed me, smiling as she watched me stand.

"I'll be in to send you off." She turned around and began to bury the spuds that we had set aside. I was still amazed by the kindness that this amazing woman had within her.

I entered the house and quickly climbed into the shower. My mind never left Esme, as I still wanted to spend every waking minute with my bride. My bride. If it was possible my smile grew even more. After so long alone, I had almost given up on ever finding my mate. While I knew that it was possible that she was still out there, I had decided to turn another male. Someone who could be my equal and my friend. Someone that I could teach my way of life and hopefully someone that I could grow to love, as a brother or son, over time. When I had found Edward, alone and after his mother's death, I knew that this was the opportunity that I had been waiting for. He was young, that concerned me. Yet from all my time on this earth, there had never been a better opportunity. So, I took a leap of faith. It had turned out to be the beginning of an entirely new life for me. Not only had I gained a son, I had found the courage to find my mate.

As I dried my hair with a towel, I wandered towards the living room, hoping to catch a glance of Esme. Before I had even gotten to the window, something white on the piano caught my eye. Edward always put his music away when he was done so this was out of the ordinary. Once I focused I saw that it was a letter with Esme's name written in Edwards elegant handwriting. I swallowed, finding that everything suddenly seemed to be moving in slow motion. If I had a heart beat, I knew that it would be racing out of fear. I moved to the piano and slipped open the letter, taking a deep breath to calm my shaking hands.

 _Dearest Mother,_

 _This was not the wedding gift that I wished to give to you and Carlisle after everything that the two of you have done for me. I am so happy that you and Carlisle have found each other and are never going to be alone in this world again. Please take care of him as I know this is going to be very hard for him to understand. My gift, as you know, has always been a curse for me. Yet I am finding that I can no longer follow his lifestyle. My story must now separate from yours but know that I still love you and Carlisle more than life itself. I pray that you both find peace and are able to forgive me for leaving without words._

 _With all my love,_

 _Edward Masen._

I felt the scream tear from my chest as I read the letter. It had not be intended for my eyes but the sorrow and pain that I felt was something so new. Esme was at my side in seconds, trying to get me to speak but I found that I could not. She took the crumpled letter from my fist and read over the words, my screams echoing around the house. Once she realized that I was having my heart torn from me, she drew me against her, allowing me to sob until I had nothing left. She continued to rub my back and hum to me, long after I had come to silence. My son. My beloved son was gone. My worst fear had come true. He was gone. I was at the front door only to meet Esme's hand against my chest.

"Carlisle, we can't." Her voice broke as she spoke for the first time in hours. I drew her against me, running my fingers through her hair, at a loose to say anything.

…

It had been six months since Edward had left us. Esme had tried to keep a brave face and encourage me to continue working but I couldn't. I felt as if my purpose no longer mattered, that I was just existing because it was something to do. I watched Esme begin to fade, her heart just as broken as mine as we searched. While we knew that we had no chance if we tried to follow him, we scoured papers from all across the country hoping to find something that could lead us to him. Yet every day we came up short. My throat was burning from hunger, my eyes as black as coal as I glanced at my reflection in the window. I spent hours waiting, hoping and praying that he would return to us before he destroyed himself.

I growled, smashing my hand through the pane, hissing at the pain that erupted from my throat. I had refused to feed for the last three weeks, wanting nothing more than to hold my son against me one more time. I was responsible for him and I would find him. No matter the cost.

1928

I had left my job almost six months ago, finding that I felt so empty now. Esme was broken, a shell of the woman that I had found and married. I watched as she stood by the piano day after day, unmoving. It took everything within me to get her to hunt. I knew that I was watching my wife slip away; her son, her new son, was gone and the purpose that had fueled her after her change was gone. I knew that she still loved me, but I did not doubt that this would be the end of her.

I stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the air. I looked over at the garden, smiling as I realized that Esme had not forgotten about the little project. I found myself wandering over, admiring the amount of vegetables that had grown. This was the second summer for her garden and she was still invested in it. I reached out and took a tomato in my hand, amazed at the quality. I may not enjoy human food anymore but I knew when something was made or grown with love. Then it hit me. This was the last thing that she had been working on that Edward had still been in our life. She loved this garden because it was the last memory that she had of him. I swallowed, trying to clear the lump from my throat. It seemed to always be here now, unable to move.

The phone rang inside the house, grabbing my attention. I flew through the door, slamming it so hard it shattered into splinters. Esme beat me to the phone and I hung right beside her, needing to hear who it was. There was just breathing but I knew it was him.

"Hello? Hello? Edward is that you?!" Esme's voice broke as she called out to him but there was no response. The line clicked as the other person hung up and Esme grasped the phone like a lifeline. She turned to me, a small light in her eyes. "Our son is alive."

She smiled as she drew me into her arms and we rejoiced over this small miracle. Edward was alive. He was still alive.


	5. Collapse

**Readers!**

 **I want to apologize for the wait for this chapter. Now only have I moved, I have been fighting a very bad infection that has made me very ill. Thankfully I am now recovering and have the energy to sit up and do some writing! I want to thank you for your patience and hope that you enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to comment and let me know what you think!**

Edward POV:1929

I sat next to a river, watching as a group of fish, salmon, swam up and down the same area over and over again. I had stopped in the woods after leaving Daniel and Rina, finding that I was struggling to re-enter society. Rina's mind had been so pure and innocent, so kind compared to most of the minds that I was forced to listen to. I actually missed listening to her when Daniel left us alone to make sure that their territory was still safe. She had begun to love me, her thoughts changing to ones of admiration. I had felt that allowing her to grow any fonder of me, to love me like a sibling, was unfair to her when I had no plans of settling down. Yet, it had been five days since I had left them and I found myself unable to pick the next place that I wanted to go.

Why had I not told them of the alternative? I starred at my reflection in the water, my red eyes starring back and I recoiled back, repulsed by what I had seen. My eyes. My vibrant red eyes were all I had been able to see. Rina? I thought back to her and although I knew she had red eyes, I simply did not see them connected to her sweet face. I was a fool! I knew that Rina had suffered for years at the hands of people so why should she continue to suffer?! I found myself at the end of the river, halfway back to where I had left them.

NO! I grabbed a tree and used my force to propel myself back the way I had come. If I went back and told Daniel and Rina that we could survive another way, I would be admitting my past and that was not something that I was willing to do. They were behind me. They had held me back. Not anymore. No. I was my own being, able to make my own decisions and live my own life.

I returned to my tattered bag and quickly removed the map that I had. New York. I had always dreamed of going there when I was growing up and I doubted that Carlisle would ever make the choice to go there. With a plan, however small, I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed to my new home.

…

New York. While it was, huge and had many appalling smells, I found that I was in love with the city. The night life was incredible, with so many different things to do. Yet the best part? The gangs. New York city was running rampant with gangs. These were not a group of rich white boys that had nothing better to do than terrorize those around them or those that they deemed to be lesser people. No. These gangs were run by hardened criminals that had no issue with killing their parent, let alone someone that got in their way. These were the type of people that I wanted to hunt. I also discovered that when I killed someone from one gang and left the body is a suspicious place, that they gang would blame their rival rather than look for another source. It was the best scenario for those of us that wanted to kill and still make sure that we did not expose our kind to humans.

I was leaning against a wall outside of one of the nightclubs that I knew was owned by a gang that I had been tracking since I arrived. I brought the lit cigarette to my mouth and took a small drag making it look as if I was smoking to people walking in and out of the club. I flicked the half-smoked cigarette to the ground and slipped my hands into my pockets. Two young women in dresses that were above their status sauntered up, smiling at me.

 _He's a God!_

 _I've never seen someone, so, so, mesmerizing._

"Ladies." I tipped my hat to them and tried to walk by but they both blocked me. I moved and the red head followed.

 _My bed. Mine._

The images in her mind repulsed me and I fought the urge to recoil as she reached out and stroked my arm. Thank god, I had thought to put a coat on this evening as my skin temperature would have sent alarms up even though the evenings were fairly cool. I quickly reached up and removed her hand, making sure that I had her attention.

"My wife is inside, I just came out for a smoke." I nodded to the ground where I had thrown it previously and she made a face somewhere between a grimace and a snarl. She flung her hand out in a rude gesture before taking her friend by the arm and prancing away.

While I had no desire to kill women or children, these women who felt that they were owed the world, drove me crazy. I fully understood that my very existence called out to women, human women. I was irresistible and they were drawn to me. This made it very hard for me to brush off their advances as many times, they refused to take no for an answer. I knew that I was the very dream of a man that many of these women wished for every night that they went to bed. While sex was not something that people spoke of, many un-married women where beginning to look at men as objects, as a conquest. This made it all the harder for me to shrug them off as I had zero interest in being with any woman other than my wife.

My wife. I stopped and felt a surge of emotion shoot through me. My. Wife. I had often spent my last year as a human beginning to look at the women around me through different eyes. The young women who I had grown up with, were suddenly prospective wives. I no longer saw them as girls but women. They all looked after their appearance and had begun to style their hair. Some mothers would allow their daughters to do hairstyles that were mainly for married, older women and I found that I was not attracted to them. Yet there was one woman who had caught my eye. She lived on the same block as me and was a quiet woman. She had beautiful green eyes and dark brown hair. I was drawn to her because she did not seem to be obsessed with her looks. That's not to say that she did not care about herself. No, she kept her hair mostly down with a small section at the top tied back. Sometimes she curled her hair and other times she would simply leave it down. I remember wanting to talk to her but never being sure what to say. I watched her sitting in the garden, reading book after book. I knew that she was smart but being a woman her future was already planned for her. In the weeks leading to my illness, to my death, I had been working with my father to find the right words to speak to her father. I had hoped to court her and eventually make her my wife.

I snarled, slamming my fist into the brick wall, the rock crumbling beneath my fist. I quickly glances around, sighing as I realized no one had seen me. I needed to feed, soon or my anger would get the better of me. I shook my head to clear away the thoughts and began walking. I headed away from the nightclubs as I needed to lose myself in the hunt and I could not risk hurting an innocent person. Tonight, I had a plan and nothing was going to get in my way.

Two weeks ago I had come across a letter that had not been meant for my eyes. It stated that the gang that I had been tracking would be at Club Tenders tonight. I had hung outside of there until I was sure that the leader wouldn't be there. When he had not arrived but most of his guard had, I knew that I had the best shot at killing him. Tonight was a night unlike any other and I would never get this chance again. As I worked my way through the streets, I found that there was an unusual number of police on foot. I listened in closely trying to figure out what could bring them into the streets so late.

Most of them were thinking of their families or the young women that they were bedding, yet there were a few minds that caught my attention. One belonged to a young Sargent and I chose to follow him, hoping that he would give me the answers I was seeking. I quickly made the decision to follow from the rooftops, not wanting to catch their attention. As I followed alongside the two men, their conversation waved and they lapsed into silence.

 _So many deaths. I mean, the gangs have killed in high numbers before but never this much. And the crime scenes. I have never seen anything like it. Their heads torn right off._

I shuddered at the memory that I saw flash through his mind. An empty warehouse had been recently inspected in order to prepare it to become a factory but when the inspectors had arrived the smell was overwhelming. Once proper masks were brought, several police Sergeants entered. All four threw up at the sight and quickly fled the scene. Bodies littered the large space, many of them in different stages of decomposition. When the coroners returned the reports, all had died of the same cause. Blood loss.

I had my answer. I sat down against a chimney and ran my hand through my hair. I had in no way caused any of this but I knew that there was only one answer. Someone had created a new vampire and left him or her on their own. The bloodlust would have driven them near mad, forcing them to feed frequently and without care for the bodies. Unlike myself, this newborn would have no idea how to hide his kills. The Volturi would not be happy that this child was being so careless. I sighed as I realized that this threat needed to be ended now and that fell into my hands.

I knew exactly where this newborn had been leaving her kills, I just needed to go there and follow the scent trail. Standing, I jumped from the roof, landing softly on my feet in the darkness of the alley. Glancing both ways, I began to jog towards the piers. It did not take me long to find the now empty warehouse. The stench still clung to every inch of the building. I kept clearing my throat, finding it hard to concentrate. This newborn had to be in agony to be able to focus on feeding in this place. I took another small sniff and froze, the scent of fresh blood clung to the breeze. I slowly walked the perimeter of the room, making sure that I didn't make a sound. The body of a young woman lay in the far corner, her neck torn open and only a little blood had spilled onto the floor. Her eyes were open, unmoving. I quickly reached up and closed them, wanting to give her as much dignity as I was able. I took another sniff and smelled a new scent. It was strong and clung to the neck of the woman. I reached up and slipped my finger through the wound, drawing them to my nose and sniffing deeply. She had left plenty of venom behind. Marking her kill as hers.

I stood once again and sniffed, finding the newest trail easily. He was headed back into town. I had to stop him before he was seen killing someone and exposed our kind even more. I began to run at my full speed, finding the trail easily. Within moments I saw the newborn and froze. It was a young girl, no older than twenty and she was bent over another corpse, feeding. I began to move slowly not wanting to startle her but she spun around to face me.

She reached up and dragged her sleeve across her mouth but it was covered in dried blood and did little to remove the fresh blood from her face. Her eyes were bright red and filled with fear. She crouched, growling at me. I titled my head and found that I could barely hear her mind.

… _human….how…feed…._

I raised my hands up and smiled at her, wanting her to know that I meant no threat. Instead of responding the way that I expected, she snarled and lunged at me.

… _kill….me…_

She slammed into my body and I dug my hands into her shoulders, using her momentum to throw her behind me. She was strong but also unexperienced and I found that she had no idea what she was capable of. I wrapped one arm around her neck as she screamed, dragging her fingers across my arms. I needed to stop her from drawing more attention to us. With one twist her head snapped from her body and it dropped to the ground. I quickly scooped her body, throwing it over my shoulder and returned to the pier. When I entered the warehouse, I set her body next to the young woman and drew my matches from my back pocket. As I struck three and threw them down, I felt an intense sadness begin to gnaw at me. Once the fire was established, I threw her head into the flames and left.

Once I was far enough away, I collapsed to the ground, my chest feeling so heavy. For the first time since I had left, remorse was flooding me. I should have been able to talk to her, to teach her. She deserved a chance at life! I slammed my fist into the ground, ending up buried to my elbow. I quickly pulled my arm out of the ground and curled into the fetal position. Sobs tore through my body as I finally let all the sorrow that I had been burying inside me, out.

…

The next day dawned new as I dug myself from the earth. I took my time, making sure to brush all twigs and dirt from my clothing. I walked to the nearest stream and made sure that my hair was as neat as I could get it. I was going into town and needed to be taken seriously. I returned to the cave that I had made my home for the days that were too sunny for me to be outside in. I had stashed some of the money I had taken from the gangs, just in case there was anything that I needed. I quickly pocketed the money and threw on my coat, needing to keep up appearances.

Once I arrived in town, I walked straight to the book store. Instead of looking around as I usually would, I went straight to the counter. The young man smiled at me as I approached.

"I am in need of some journals and a good pen." He quickly guided me to the correct area and I picked up five leather bound journals and two pens with plenty of ink. He rang me through and I left, returning to the cave. I set my purchases down, drawing out the first journal.

I carried it to the opening, as close as I dared to go and sat own. Opening the pages, I took a deep breath and set the pen against the paper.

 _The day everything changed….._


	6. Monster

Edward POV 1930

I stood up from the table, making sure to slowly slide the chair back. The waitress smiled at me again and I nodded, handing her my bill and the amount owed. I swallowed hard, reaching up to adjust my sun glasses before placing my journal back in my bag. I made sure to take my time, thinking through each movement before I made it. This was the fourth time I had come into this town, practicing my tolerance and making sure that I had not forgotten how to act human. I began walking down the sidewalk, making sure that I held my breath whenever I felt that I could no longer handle the intoxicating smells that surrounded me.

A storeowner waved at me from his doorway, most likely believing me to be someone else but I waved in return. I quickly moved my chest, almost forgetting to continue the appearance of breathing even though I did not need to. The weight of my journal was lighter now, even though I had filled four previous ones with all of the things that I had done in the previous years. With every page that I filled, there was a sense of peace that seemed to fill me. I knew now that I wanted, no I needed to return to Carlisle and Esme as this was not the lifestyle that I wanted.

As the end of the town came into view, I released my breath, knowing that I had made it. I made sure to slow my pace, needing to keep an eye on my pace rather than speeding around like I had been. My vampire speed came in handy but if I was to return home within a year, practice was what I needed. I paused, listening to the sounds that I had missed, the sounds of a family when a small scream caught my ears. I froze, before dropping to my knee and pretending to tie my shoe as I listened. Almost out of my hearing range, a car door slammed and tires shrieked across the pavement. That meant that something was happening on the other side of town.

 _No! It is not my place to help anymore. Call the police!_

 _But it sounded like a child!_

I snarled, conflicted with myself as I knew that I could make a difference. With one last glance around, I bolted to the tree line, forgetting how to be human and allowing my instincts to once again take over. A car was no match for my speed, finding that I quickly overtook the car. I stepped into the road, throwing my sunglasses off to the side as I braced myself for impact.

The screech of brakes met my ears as the car slammed into my body. The bumper warped in the shape of my legs and the rear end lifted off the ground. Before it had landed, the driver side door was in my hand, and I flung it to the side. The metal screamed in protest but was no match for my strength. The man inside the car was slumped over the steering wheel, blood trickling down his temple. I felt my nostrils flare as the scent of human blood flooded me.

I swallowed hard, the burning of my venom striking a flame within me. In seconds, he was within my arms, my teeth buried in his skin. As the rich, smooth fluid poured down my throat, a groan escaped me. It had been so long. Too long since I had tasted this nectar. Within seconds he went limp, drained of blood and I wanted more. Pouncing over the car, I ripped the door from the rear, finding a child huddled on the floor with a man slumped over him. I gripped the man's arm, yanking him free in one smooth motion.

"Run!" I turned from the boy, carrying the man's body around the car. I waited, listening to the small feet running in the opposite direction before ripping into the second mans throat.

Minutes turned into hours as I sat there, two bodies around me. The blood had gone to my head and I just sat there, almost floating within myself. As the sky began to darken, I heard faint voices in the distance. Abruptly, I realized that I was sitting in the middle of a crime scene with no way to explain myself. Without hesitating, I made it appear as if the two men had struck a deer and ended up dead because they were not wearing seat belts. The voices had barely gotten stronger by the time I was done and I bolted to the tree line. With the sun almost completely set, there was little natural light left and I knew that I could watch from a distance.

Just as I reached the tree line I saw my bag out of the corner of my eye. I stopped in my tracks, feeling my throat tighten as I realized what I had done.

Months. Months of hard work gone instantly down the drain. I had not tasted blood, well human blood, in eight months. Now, it was all I wanted. My throat was already burning, urging me to find my next victim.

No! Not a victim. I felt my heart sink as I realized that going home would not be happening any time soon. I had ruined everything and could not return to my family, to Carlisle, like this. This monster. I knew that I had already disappointed him enough and could not bear to return to him with eyes as red as the blood I drank.

I forced myself to keep moving forward, watching every step to be certain that I left no tracks. It did not take me long to return to the place that I had called home for the last few months. While many people would see it as crude, my little home had become a driving point for continuing to work towards going back home. I had created a front wall and door with a small flower garden in front of a cave that I discovered. I did not require power as a nearby stream worked well as a bathing area that washed away the evidence almost instantly.

I carefully opened the door, making sure to slide the bolt into place before sitting down in the very back corner. I glanced up at the shelf where I stored my completed journals and swallowed hard. I had made sure to document my entire time away from Carlisle, needing to somehow take the guilt that was inside of me and put it into words rather than allowing it to bounce around within my mind. I knew that if I showed up on Carlisle's doorstep right now, he would welcome me with open arms. He would always forgive me but I was not sure I could forgive myself.

I remembered Carlisle telling me how he had starved himself when he was a newborn. I had thought to do so when I first wanted to stop but quickly realized that I would end up hurting an innocent person if I tried. Instead, I had made sure to fill myself with animal blood before I entered town. I had started at night, just walking around the edge to get used to the scents and to try to control my venom. I knew that tonight had destroyed my chances for a very long time. I needed to get away, get as far away from humans as I could. Somewhere where there were lots of large animals but very few people. A place to start over.

Six months later

I sat in the tree watching the sun rise. I had moved to a remote area in Northern Canada where humans were few and far between. The landscape spent almost the entire year covered in snow and I had begun to admire the nature that was around me.

Every morning I made sure to be in the tree that was outside of my cave, watching as the sun rose. The beauty of the landscape seemed to be amplified by the different colors that caressed the sky. During the day, when the sun was harsh, the landscape matched my skin when the sun reflected off me. It had made it easy to hide myself as the few humans that moved through this area did not notice the difference.

Since I had come here six months ago, I had seen three humans. They had been sledding across the snowy plains in the distance and their scent had been masked by the distance and the dogs pulling the sleighs. So far, I was pleased with my progress. My eyes had begun to fade and only contained a slight orange tinge. Soon I would return to the civilized world and begin my practice once again. I would make it this time and return to my family. No matter how long I had to take.

As the first rays began to peak over the horizon, I smiled. The pinks that splashed across the landscape were the first sign of a new day. Another day that I could put behind me as a success rather than a failure. I knew that soon I would be returning but for now, I was happily recovering and becoming more human with every passing day.

…

A snarl ripped from my throat as I clutched the man's limp body against me. The other vampire was approaching from the end of the alley and seemed to not understand that this was my meal. Mine!

I quickly set him down, behind a partial wall before crouching in a defensive position. Listening in, his mind was a mess. He had smelled the fresh blood and seemed to be unable to form a decent thought through his bloodlust. New, he had to be a newborn to encroach upon another vampire who had been feeding. He snarled again, then lunged. I leapt over his head, flipping myself mid air so that I was facing him from behind. He turned, faster than I had expected and reached out. I watched his plan begin to form and knew that I had to keep out of his reach because he wanted to crush me.

I side stepped and reached my arm out, hooking around his knee. As he began to stumble, I gripped hard and wrenched to the side, tearing his leg off. He screamed as he turned, rage filling his face. I knew that he was going to make a fatal mistake. He leapt for me and I spun, making sure to end up behind him. I reached out, gripping his head in my hands before wrenching it to one side them the other. The sound of his skin ripping was almost the screech of metal. Within seconds it was over.

I dropped his head away from his body, not wanting him to heal back together before I had a chance to burn his remains. I glanced at the trash container near me and quickly opened the lid. Empty. I grabbed each part of him and threw it inside, striking a match and dropping it onto his body before I had a chance to change my mind. Flames leapt from his body almost instantly. I slowly closed the lid, not wanting to make anymore noise then I needed to. Once that was done, I grabbed my diner and finished, dropping his corpse to the ground. I glanced into a window as I walked by, making sure that I had not ruined my suit. Once I was sure that I was ready, I straightened my hat and re-entered the bar that I had just left.

As I moved to the back, listening in on everyone around me, something seemed to flicker through my mind. I glanced to the side and felt a gasp escape me. A young woman was dancing there with a tall man. Both were oddly pale but that could have simply been the lights above. They looked familiar. Almost as if I knew them. A pressure began on my chest as I continued to watch them dancing together. It was almost as if I was suffocating for air, thought I had not needed to breath since I had been turned.

Carlisle. The name slammed into me and I felt as if the area was closing in around me. I began to shove people out of my way as I raced for the exit. Once there, I moved towards the edge of town, not entirely sure where I was going. I allowed myself to start running and simply tried to shut off my mind.

By morning, I stood outside of a familiar house, terrified to be here but knowing that there was no other answer. Today marked the first of the new year, 1931. I had been gone for four years without ever really contacting them. Yet I knew that they were still there. I took one final breath before walking up the stairs and knocking on the door. I listened carefully but did not hear anything inside. I swallowed against the lump that had formed in my throat as I turned to leave.

Footsteps suddenly sounded from the other side of the house and two minds that I had not heard in too long assaulted me. I smiled at their happy thoughts, pleased that I had not destroyed their relationship. As they both caught my scent, I froze, not wanting to scare them. I expected them to slow but instead they sped up. As they came to the edge of the property, I saw Carlisle take Esme's hand before they walked around the house together.

They both stopped moving as soon as they caught sight of me. We all stood there for several moments before I could handle the silence no longer. Just as I went to open my mouth, Esme rushed towards me drawing me against her. Carlisle joined her slightly after, setting a hand on my shoulder as a smile drew across his face.

"Welcome home, son."


	7. Home

1931 Carlisle's PoV

He was here. I froze, afraid to hope that he was finally home after all this time. I reached for Esme's hand, needing to know that this was real. I could feel her apprehension as she clutched onto me, almost using me to stand up. I took another small breath and his scent was not fading. Was he home? Dare I hope? I glanced at Esme and saw that she was barely staying next to me. With a small nod, I began to walk forward. I took one final breath as we turned the corner.

He was alive. I heard Esme intake a sharp breath as she looked at her son, our son. His eyes were bright red but he was here. Alive. The small female beside me flew from my side, throwing herself into his arms. I walked over and set my hand on his arm, needing to feel that he was here.

"Welcome home, son." Esme quickly let go and I pulled him against me. The last four years seem to have faded from memory as I held him once again.

While Edward and I had been close before he had left, I knew that nothing could ever come between us again. Here he was, broken and afraid. Yet he chose to come home. To me. To us. I stepped back and allowed Esme to pull him against her once again. No words needed to be spoken as I saw his regret clearly on his face. Esme placed her hands against his cheeks, drawing his head down to her level. He closed his eyes, embarrassment filling his features as she placed a kiss on each eye.

"I," Edward tried to speak but I lifted my hand.

"You need not explain to us. You are standing here and your choice is obvious. You are home." I smiled at him, praying that he could see how much we loved him.

"I do Carlisle and I know that I will tell you everything but for now…Now I need your help." He swallowed hard as Esme took his hand. "I tried to stop. I have tried again and again but I can't". He began to shake as he sobbed, his heart spilling onto the ground before us.

I looked at Esme and felt my own heart breaking. She pulled him against her, pulling him to the ground in order to hold him closer. He followed, his legs giving out as she rubbed his back. I stood frozen, watching my wife and beloved son. I had never even considered that the reason he had stayed away so long could be this. Was it like an addiction? I could not be sure simply because I had never tasted human blood. I had seen my family falter during their beginning years but they had learned. Esme had made mistakes but now was able to walk among people without issue.

Esme glanced up at me and I moved, sitting down beside her and allowing her to take my hand as Edward sobbed against her. I knew that this was going to be the biggest battle that we had ever faced but I knew deep inside that we would survive.

…

Edward POV

I did not want to move away from my family. It has been so long since I had been near another, so long since I had been held in a motherly way. I could hear the questions and thoughts whirling through Carlisle's mind as he tried to recollect what he knew about human addiction. He knew that I would need to be kept away from human's, somewhere that there was not a chance we could be found. I suddenly saw a memory form in his mind and a smile began to draw across his face.

"Esme, Edward, I think I know where we can go." Esme reached over me and took Carlisle's hand. "I, well we actually, have friends in Alaska. They are very secluded from the world and humans never venture near their home. It would be the ideal place for you to detox and relearn how to control your thirst. It may take time but there, there we would be safe."

Esme smiled at Carlisle and I watched her thoughts flying through her mind as she began to plan our journey north. She quickly stood, rushing into the house to begin packing what we would need immediately. Carlisle stood, offering me his hand. I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet. He gently patted me on the shoulder and quickly moved into the house. I stayed where I stood, to afraid to move.

My family had accepted me back with open arms and not a question. Carlisle was leaving his position at the hospital. Esme was packing up what the three of us would need, without hesitation. Why had I stayed away for so long? I had craved companionship the entire time I had been gone, needing someone to talk to. Yet I had forced myself to stay away. Carlisle's gentle voice carried from inside the house as he resigned. He had not even hesitated once he knew that I needed him. His mind had gone straight to how he could help me. There was no anger in their minds, only joy and love. I knew that leaving them had been the worst choice I ever made. My family had suffered as I had and I knew that they did truly love me. Finally, I was home.


	8. Withdrawal

Carlisle P.O.V.

Edward writhed under my hands barely containing his screams. We had been in Alaska for over a month and he showed no signs of improvement. Eleazer sat across from me, holding down Edward's other arm to keep him from harming himself in his delirium. Esme was no longer able to handle watching our son deteriorate before our eyes. Carmen had decided to take a trip with Esme, taking her to see some of England while Eleazer, Tanya, Kate, and I dealt with Edward. Irina had made it clear the first day that we arrived that she wanted nothing to do with us and kept her distance.

I had seen humans suffer through withdrawal of harmful substances before. I had thought I was prepared to deal with this, yet I found exhaustion beginning to settle deep within my bones. I have been a vampire for so long that I thought feeling tired and worn down was a thing of the past. Yet here I was. Drained and at the end of my rope. My son was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.

A hand gently touched my shoulder and I looked up, Kate's smiling face filling my vision.

"Take a break Carlisle. I've got this." She quickly settled beside me, taking Edward's hand in her own. She held tightly but began to hum. I stayed where I was, in awe of the family that I did not deserve. She turned to me and gently pushed with her free hand.

"Go. He is safe Carlisle. Hunt. You need to step back." I ran my hand through my hair before standing. Eleazer waved me away and I headed into the woods, desperate for a distraction. I pulled the photo of Esme from my pocket, gently touching the delicate frame that held the priceless object inside. Oh, how I missed Esme! I knew that the stress of this cost Esme everything and she did not want to lose control. Her kind heart was greatly missed during this time and I ached with longing to have her back at my side. This was the longest we had ever been apart and everyday made it hurt more.

I found myself pacing through the tree's, unable to stray far from the clearing that contained my son. My son. How I had dreamed of him returning to us. For the years that he had been gone, my life had stopped. I had been alone for so long before I made the decision to create Edward. That decision had changed my life for the better. I had someone to speak with and to teach. Someone who wanted to live the life that I lived and wanted to share his life with me. Making Edward had lead me to Esme, the most beautiful and kind-hearted woman that I had ever met. He had accepted her without question and had done his best to make her feel welcome within our family.

His screams reached my ears and I heard Kate begin to sing to him. If my heart had been beating, I know it would have stopped in that moment. While Edward had physically returned to us, I had to wonder if he would ever be the same.

Edward POV

My skin prickled with electricity as Kate clutched my hand. I knew she was singing to me, but my throat burned with such intensity that I wanted to rip it out. It had to stop. I could not bear this any longer. I screamed, wrenching my arms toward me as hard as I could. Yet the two vampires sitting with me refused to let go, keeping my arms pinned to the ground. I started trying to twist myself around, to use my legs as leverage. Shocking pain shot through my body from my right hand.

"I'm sorry Edward but you need to calm down." Kate's voice drifted through the pain and I growled, wanting to get away from the pain.

"Try this Edward." A small hand gently pried my mouth open and something warm hit my tongue. I swallowed, before my body began to shake and I felt my stomach cramp. It was not what I wanted! Why couldn't they understand that all I wanted was blood! I spat the remainder out, not caring if it hit anyone.

"It's no use Tanya. He has to want it and he just isn't there yet." Eleazer's voice was deep and commanded attention. I had to want what?

"He hasn't had anything to drink anything in over a month! He will lose his mind if he doesn't consume something soon!" Tanya huffed as she began to run her fingers through my hair. I growled, wanting her away from me. She seemed to ignore me, continuing to smooth my hair with her hands.

Foot steps echoed through the clearing and I could hear Carlisle's thoughts, rather fragments, reaching me.

"Any change?" His voice shook, almost a whisper.

"No. I tried to give him some fresh blood, but his body rejected it." I heard a sob escape someone, no not just someone, Carlisle.

"He will be okay Carlisle. We will not let him die." Eleazer stood, Tanya taking his place. I froze, as well as I could with my limbs shaking of their own accord. "Let us hunt together." Footsteps retreating were the last thing I heard from them.

"Kate, call Irina. I thought they would never leave." Tanya moved, bringing herself to a sitting position before planting herself firmly on my chest. I felt her knees pressing into my biceps. Irina arrived quickly, moving to the side that Tanya had abandoned. She crushed my hand under her weight, making sure that I had no control.

Tanya gripped my jaw in her hand and wrenched it open, placing her other hand over my nose. I knew that I didn't need to breath, so I held no understanding of what was happening. I felt Kate move slightly then the warm liquid began to pour into my mouth once again. Once it was full, the pouring stopped but I was unable to move. I began to try to turn my head but found that it was caught in Tanya's vice grip. My mind began to panic as I realized that the only way to be rid of this foul fluid was to swallow. Oh god no. Please no. It made my stomach hurt so much and did little for the burning in my throat.

"Swallow it Edward." Tanya's vocal tone had changed, almost as if she was…wait. If I swallowed would she get off me? I swallowed, making sure that it all went down at once, not willing to deal with more than one taste. As soon as it was gone, the liquid began to be poured again. I tried screaming but the fluid simply went into my lungs, forcing me to swallow what was in my mouth in order to cough. Once I had cleaned my lungs, the fluid returned. My stomach was aching at this point, wanting to reject whatever this was. Yet it would not stop. No matter how hard I tried, it just kept coming.

Suddenly it stopped. The pressure on my arms was gone and Tanya was no longer on my chest. I swallowed once more, keeping myself as still as I could. The burning was not gone but was less intense. I took a small breath, surprised that the burning didn't immediately return. My stomach was still aching but seemed to be settling as I lay there, breathing. I knew that Kate, Tanya and Irina were still nearby, but I did not sense any danger from their thoughts. Suddenly Tanya's thoughts flashed through my mind and I felt my lip curl with disgust. Her mind was filled with images of us, of her sitting astride me again. I couldn't help but wrinkle my nose at the thought of ever being intimate with her in the way that she seemed to want.

I cleared my throat and slowly stood, not wanting to be tackled to the ground once again. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to adjust to being vertical after spending almost four days in the snow. I had tried to escape the house to find blood when Eleazer had tackled me to the ground. I had stayed there, unable to bear the burning anymore. Opening my eyes, I saw Tanya standing right in front of me, a smile on her face. She reached up and moved a piece of hair from my face. I reached up and grabbed her wrist. With a firm shake of my head and I gently moved her arm away from me. A moment of anger flashed across her face and then she quickly replaced it with a smile once again.

Kate stayed behind me and I heard Irina quickly head back towards the house. I felt the burning beginning to start again and knew that I had to feed before I became ravenous. I swallowed hard as I realized that it meant I would have to ask Tanya for more help and she would likely construe it as me reciprocating her advances. I felt as if I was stuck between and rock and a hard place but was completely aware that I had a long road ahead of me.

"I, I um, I need to hunt." I cleared my throat and gestured towards the tree's hoping they understood that this was not something that could wait. Kate nodded and took off. I leapt after her, making sure to slow myself to her speed to not loose the only life lines that I had. Within moments I heard a bear snuffling amount the trees. Without a moment to hesitate, I leapt, sinking my teeth into its throat and swallowing the warm liquid straight from the source.


	9. Family

Edward POV

I stood on the deck anxiously bouncing on the balls of my feet as I waited for Esme to return. It was the date that she and Carmen had set before they took their trip. Three weeks sober and coherent. I knew that how far I had come, would shock her. So far, my thirst was proving to be difficult to control but I knew that I would be able to return to society within the next few months. I was still needing to hunt at least once a day but that had rapidly improved from the three or four times a day that I had begun with.

Carlisle was proud of how far I had come and how quickly I had been able to improve. He rarely strayed far, seeming to want to be near me as much as possible. I knew that the time I had been away from him had been hard for him and then to see me so broken. I could see the sorrow within his thoughts, although he did try to keep them from me. Even right now, he sat just inside the living room, pretending to read another dry medical text that Eleazer had found for him. His thoughts continued to bounce from me to Esme and back again. I couldn't help but smile at the joy that surrounded him today.

Suddenly, Esme's thoughts reached me. She was trying to keep her hopes down, afraid that I would still be as violent as when she left. I couldn't control myself any longer.

"They're here!" I barely spoke the words before I leapt into the snow and raced to meet my mother and cousin. Within moments they slowed, hearing my footsteps crunching through the snow. I turned around the mountain and stopped, wanting to still surprise Esme. It was seconds, but eternity ticked by as I anxiously waited for them to arrive. I began to bounce in place, my anxious energy pouring from me into the frozen ground below. A small gasp reached my ears and then she was there. Esme froze, almost like a deer when it sensed a predator. I watched her lips move slightly before she shot across the clearing and yanked me into her arms.

No words needed to be said as she held me. I could feel her shock and love through the grip that she had on me. I wrapped my arms around her, enjoying the feeling of being in my mother's arms once again.

Several moments passed before Carlisle cleared his throat. I laughed as I stepped back, making room for him to greet Esme.

"My love." He swept her into his arms and spun her around. A laugh escaped her and the joy that swelled inside me was something I had not felt in years. I turned away to give them a moment of privacy.

"Edward?" Esme's questioning tone made me spin around, not wanting her to feel that I was being made to feel uncomfortable.

"Yes?" I smiled as she reached for me again. I allowed me to wrap me in a hug once again.

"Would you be okay with the Denali's for a few days?" She whispered the words and even I had difficulty catching them all. If I had been able to blush, my cheeks would have been bright red at the thoughts that were dancing through Carlisle's mind.

 _Sorry son._

Carlisle quickly changed his thoughts but seemed to be struggling. I stepped away from Esme, gently placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Go. Enjoy yourselves. I will be fine." Esme stood on her tip toes and placed a kiss on my cheek before grabbing Carlisle's hand. Within seconds they were gone.

I sighed as I turned towards the house and the thoughts of everyone within came rushing to me. Eleazer and Carmen were gone, most likely to do the same that Esme and Carlisle were doing. Kate was busy working on another piece of the house while Tanya…

I felt myself shudder as her thoughts flooded towards me. She was picturing us together once again and the details, were, well, graphic. I had done my best during my time here to show her that I had no interest in her. Yet she refused to believe that a cold-blooded male would ever dismiss her advances. I had no desire to return to the house right now but knew that I would need to go back eventually. I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders and headed around back to see if Kate needed any help. Just as I reached the side of the house, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Edward?" Tanya's voice floated towards me, a lustful tone swallowing all the air around us. I turned, taking her hand in mine and gently shoving it away from me.

"Oh, come now. You know you want me." She stepped closer to me and slipped her hand onto my groin. I stopped breathing, shocked by her forwardness. I stepped back but she followed, pressing herself against me.

"Tanya. Stop. I have no interest in you." I forcefully pushed her away from me while stepping back. She huffed, crossing her arms under her breasts, pushing them into a fuller position. I simply shook my head and walked towards the green house Kate was working on.

…

3 Days Later

Carlisle and Esme sat on the sofa across from me. I had approached Carmen when they had returned and asked if I could have some time alone with my parents once they returned. I told her that I felt it was time that I explained to them what had occurred during my time away. She quickly agreed and made plans with the other women and Eleazer to take a family hunting trip.

"I've asked to speak with you both. I know that while you have both forgiven me for what I did while I was gone, I need to share those years with you." Carlisle moved to speak but I raised my hand, silencing him.

"Once I am done you are more then welcome to say what you will but for now, I need to get this off my chest while I have the courage to say this. Esme, my time away is filled with violence and hate and I am so sorry. If at any point you feel that need to step away, I give you my whole-hearted permission." She nodded and offered me a smile of encouragement. Carlisle reached over and took her hand before settling back into his seat.

"Esme, when I first made the decision to leave, I had made another choice. The reasons that brought you to our family weighed heavily on my mind and I was unwilling to allow such a monster to continue to live. Esme, Charles is dead." I paused to allow this to sink in and watched several expressions cross her face. She swallowed once and then nodded, wanting me to continue with the tale.

"I found the farm house from your memories and waited outside to see if he still lived there. I saw a young woman working in the home and she was distraught when I arrived. She appeared to be his new wife and they had a son with another child on the way. He had not stopped his abuse and deep down I had to end him. I waited until he returned, quite drunk and allowed him to hit me with his car. He was, as always, quite drunk and I allowed him to know that this was for you. The last thought in his mind was you and the possibility that somehow you had survived the suicide attempt. I know this is difficult for you to hear Carlisle as human life is something that should be valued but it is done, and I cannot change it.

I have to say that it is one of the only deaths that has stayed with me. I made sure to select who I killed based upon the thoughts that they had. What I mean by this, is that I went after those who had horrible thoughts. Those who were planning on murdering or raping innocents. I thought that it was within my right to make those life and death decisions. I know now that it is no ones right to make that decision unless it is to end an unbearable suffering.

During my time away, and by now it was 1928, I met another couple. The male was terrifyingly large, and I came to know him as Daniel. Yet it was the woman who made me curious. Her name is Rina and she worked as a whore during her human life. I'm sorry to not sugar coat it Esme, but it is a vital part of the story. Daniel had discovered her during the late stages of Syphilis and had hoped that his venom would cure it. Sadly, her mind was too far gone. So, while her body was physically healed she is very childlike in her manners. Through her thoughts, I saw the world in a new way. Daniel's love for her reminded me of you and I believe that this is the point that I started to begin wanting to return. After several months with them, Daniel asked me to become a part of their coven, as Rina had begun to love me like a brother. I, I miss them terribly and think of them daily, but I made the decision to leave.

The next year range into loneliness and I was beginning to crave socialization. I moved on to New York in hopes of finding another nomad to travel with or perhaps a small coven that was more mobile than Daniel and Rina. After a time, I began to pick up on one of the investigations that the local police had going. It was leaving the different officers shocked and afraid. The deaths were grotesque and like nothing that the rival gangs had done previously. The bodies were piling up and the frustration was clear within their thoughts. So, I made the decision to follow up on the information and the last place that the police had found remains.

Once I arrived at the warehouse, which was empty of whatever it had been originally created to store, I discovered the most horrible stench. There was no way that this was a coven or an older vampire to be able to live in this building. Investigating deeper, I found a new body, fresh. I made sure to close the deceased eyes and began hunting for the vampire. I had hoped to be able to take him or her under my wing and teach the proper ways. Sadly, I had no such luck. The vampire was a young woman, likely under twenty and in such pain. I discovered her feeding and tried to reason with her but there was nothing left. I, I killed her quickly to end her suffering. I made sure to burn her body along with the two humans that she had killed to destroy any evidence.

After this was the first time that I truly started trying to stop drinking human blood. I began going into town and being around people. I began to journal my time away and I was preparing myself to return home." I took a deep breath running my hand through my hair before looking down at my lap.

"I had abstained for months and was learning to enjoy animals once again. Yet, someone had to try and kidnap a child and I could not stand by and simply let them. Months later I killed another of our kind, a male. He attacked me while I was feeding, and I snapped. I ended up seeing a couple that reminded me so deeply of you that I returned and the rest of the story you already know."

Carlisle and Esme remained unmoving. I tried to not look into their minds, but it was so hard to ignore the distaste within Carlisle's mind. Then Esme moved. She knelt before me and cupped my chin, forcing me to look into her eyes.

"It is the past. You returned and that is all that matters. I forgive you my son for having you here with us is more important than any mistakes you ever made." Esme kissed my cheek before turning to Carlisle who still had no said a word. I swallowed hard, terrified that my father and maker was going to send me away. He cleared his throat and looked at me.

"I will never condone killings of any kind, but Esme is right. You are our son. You made the decision to return and to leave that lifestyle behind. I too, offer you my forgiveness." He didn't move for a moment, then stood pulling me into his arms. "Even now I hold no regrets for turning you."

If I would have been able to cry, I knew that tears of joy would have been running down my face. I had done the worst thing ever and chosen to take lives and yet my father had forgiven me. I was home.


End file.
